Let Go

Well, I have been fighting with a lot of anger these days.  Among other things, rude customers have really taken a toll on me.  It doesn't help that I have had art shows and markets every single weekend all summer.

There is a bottle neck sensation when trying to create work.  Inside I have all this creativity swirling around, but it doesn't come out because when I am not relaxed my creative spout constricts like a bottle.  My work tends to reflect happiness, so if I am not happy, it is hard to make work.  Part of it this problem comes from doing pet stuff over and over again.  I didn't go into the field of art thinking, "Oh I want to do work just for pets!"  Don't get me wrong, it is fun, but as an artist I need more variety than that.

So I sat down and really tried to paint something just for me.  Let go.  What was it that I was so passionate about that lead me to animals in the first place?  The first thing I did was turn on some good music and what I painted was a church.

The quote on the top is from one of my favorite go to songs, "Oh the Glory of it All" by David Crowder.  I must admit that a huge weakness of mine is Christian music.  It is one of the few things that can really calm me down.

In painting this, I began to feel better.  All the anxiety and anger began to wash away.  Then I realized, I don't see God in my work.  Paintings from before now have a starkly different feeling to them for me compared to this church.

I recall a time about a year ago when I was stewing on how I was going to get my professional career as an artist going.  Being a fairly religious person, I feel that I had a unique experience.  A voice that was not my own struck through me like lightening.  I was sitting quietly in the living room when the words "STOP DOING IT FOR YOURSELF!" bolted through me.  I didn't know where those words came from.  They were not my own.  In fact, I really didn't like it.  After that, it was in the back of my head but I kept brushing it away.  If God tells me to do something, I should listen right?  I should listen because he knows what is best for me.  His instructions make the best outcome.  That didn't matter.  I couldn't listen.  It was too hard.  I am always afraid to include my need for God in my work because I am really afraid I am going to offend someone.  So writing this blog is a bold step.

I'm not so much passionate about animals as I am nature.  Animals fit into the category of nature, so that's where that comes from.  For me, the best place to experience good is nature.  I have taken several trips out west and felt that a great place to experience God is in the desert.  There were many encounters with God in the bible that took place in the desert.

The desert helps me clear my mind, reminds me how small I am, and how big God's creations really are.  In the quiet, I am able to hear my own thoughts, and what I want to say to God.

These photos were taken in Mescalero, New Mexico.  I went down there in college on a mission trip.  Speaking of college, it was emphasized there that we keep our artwork secular.  But my art is my life and I really need God in my life.  I don't think I can keep them divided.  

Does this mean I am only going to paint churches from now on?  No, I don't think so.  It means that I am going to include God into my thought process.  After all, I believe he created everything in nature and I love nature.   

I'm no where close to perfect, but I am really going to try to let go and allow God to fill me up with His glory.  I am hoping that this will help me deal with my anger and anxiety while helping me to create more fulfilling work.

Phoenix, Arizona